Dear New NICU Parent

Dear New NICU Parent,

Congratulations on your perfect, little miracle(s)!  I celebrate with you over the gift of life that you are entrusted with!  What a journey you are about to embark on, what a journey you are already enduring. 

Baby Beckett

For whatever brought you here, you are here.  No matter the duration of your stay, simply being admitted feels too long.  A place no one wants to be, a club no one aspires to join.  It is interesting, though, most “members” grow to not only accept this new club but welcome and rely on this new-found community that embraces them.  Among the doctors, NNPs, specialists, nurses, RTs, OTs, social workers, and even the other families you share soap with at the scrub-in sink there is a unique bond, a connection, a feeling of being understood when life is unimaginable for “nonmembers”.

 

While no two journeys are the same – I know I can’t completely relate to your individual story – I empathize with your pain, your heartache, and the “simple” things worth celebrating.  Like you, I have impatiently waited for test results in hopes to shed light on questions, circled the parking ramp antsy to get back up to fourth floor, and been forced to become fluent in a language I never knew.  I, too, have celebrated poop, food consumed by the mLs, grams gained, and every breath taken.  And as much as my family’s journey is no longer in the NICU, I am forever marked so I think of you and pray for you. 

This unit leaves a scar – a mark left by a healed wound.  So much depends on how and when that wound heals and how I view this scar.

First Family Picture (Beckett - 3mo)

        

In the rollercoaster ride that is the NICU journey, I have found my only true healing comes from the Lord.  Without Him, I do not know where I would be.  The heartache that comes with the fragility of a child’s life is incomparable – a depth of pain and grief only the Lord truly understands; only He can comfort the deepest parts of my pain.  I fight against the lie that sounds so esteemed: God won’t give me more than I can handle.  So much is flawed with that sentiment.  I am tempted to want to believe I am strong enough, but the truth is, I am not.

      

Philippians 4:13 says, I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.  A more accurate way I read this verse is “I can’t do all things but He can.”  It reminds me that I do not have to muster up more strength to get through, I do not have to be strong; in fact, in my weakness I can tap into the Lord’s strength which is exhibited by the Holy Spirit in me.  I am grateful for the saving relationship I have with the Lord and because of this relationship I have access to the only source of true comfort, hope, joy, and strength that is needed to endure and thrive in a journey such as this.

I am grateful for the Lord throughout our family’s NICU journey and the countless people and prayers that were and continue to be a tangible reminder to us that the Lord is near through it all.  We needed people: the staff, our family, and friends.  Allowing people to support us in different ways was a significant element in our enduring and healing along the way.  But ultimately we had to let the Lord carry our sons (yes, both had their “first trip” before they even made it home) and carry us which freed us up to enjoy our front row seat to miracles abounding (both ours and celebrations other families shared with us)!

Love,

A fellow NICU family,

Amy (and my boys: Brandon, Brody, & Beckett)