I have done it. I have noticed you at the park, grocery store, football game, or dentist office. I have seen you and in an effort to not be rude, I look away so as not to gawk. In my own discomfort, I assume avoiding is the "right" or "nice" thing to do yet curiously sneaking peaks. But now I am you. I am out in public with a child that looks different. And now that I am in your shoes I am learning. Learning what it feels like to be the recipient of gawking or looking away feels like. I am not hurt; I realize people generally and genuinely are curious more than anything.
My son may have ample accessories in tow, an entourage of helping hands, and look different which naturally draws attention to himself - but he is perfect. Yes, I see his tubes, umteen machines hooked up to him, his seemingly uninterested gazing, and his head banging. At the same time, I see so much more. I see right past it and see him for him: my son, an eternal soul, a boy who has my heart. I see a beautiful little boy who has likes and dislikes, one who feels physical pain and worldly delights, a boy that has a story to tell.
Everybody has a story: hurts, joys, hardships, and triumphs in life. And everybody's hard is hard, it doesn't need to be comparative. Beckett's is just harder [impossible, really] to hide. We have chosen to be very public with Beckett's story because we firmly believe his little life is glorifying to the Lord. His life, although marked by worldly hurt and pain, is making God's name even more real, sweet, and beautiful. We choose to share details about Beckett via Facebook, Instagram, and his CaringBridge site but we also welcome questions online or in public. In fact, we feel loved by them.
Children are the best at asking questions. In their unashamed inquiries as they try to figure out the world around them, they ask with boldness. Many times parents attempt to apologetically quiet their questions. I welcome them. They are refreshing to me. Let your children ask their questions. Let me teach them that differences are okay and not scary. Let's together help them see that even people that look different from them are worth getting to know and not looking away from. Let's not shy away from situations because they feel uncomfortable. Let your children learn about my son just like I have to teach our oldest about babies that look different from his brother. We have had countless conversations with big brother about how not all babies need breathing tubes as he observes babies that "don't need their tubes anymore" or when he asks where a child's feeding tube is.
I've often said, actually, that I should make a sign for Beckett's stroller that says something to the effect of, "ask your questions" because I know people of all ages are curious and I'd rather be able to respond to curiosity than empty stares or parents feeling uncomfortable and therefore dismissing topics that could be learning experiences. Earlier in the summer we were able to take Beckett to the zoo and ran into a friend and her three young boys. I loved all the attention they gave Beckett as they flooded our ears with questions. I loved every minute of it. I later thanked her for letting her boys be themselves by touching and asking. It ministered to my mama heart more than she could have known.
Again, my encouragement for you to ask and engage with families in public like ours comes covered in grace. I hope that you hear it that way. We feel loved when you acknowledge what we know you see, even if all you can muster is a smile in our direction. Today, as I walked through aisles of the grocery story I saw what appeared to be a father pushing his son in a wheelchair complete with machines and a nasal cannula. Although out of conversational distance, I made an effort to make eye contact and smile. His responsive smile told me he appreciated my acknowledging them. I can't speak on behalf of all families like ours but I would be surprised if they wouldn't agree; we love being approached and having opportunities to brag about our miracles.
Yes, please be gentle with your questions but trust that I can handle what you're wondering. Don't feel bad if I teach you a better way of phrasing or ask you to use hand-sanitizer. You can't know what you don't know, and I don't expect you to. What I hope you hear me saying though, is this; we feel loved by your questions - so ask away!
My son may have ample accessories in tow, an entourage of helping hands, and look different which naturally draws attention to himself - but he is perfect. Yes, I see his tubes, umteen machines hooked up to him, his seemingly uninterested gazing, and his head banging. At the same time, I see so much more. I see right past it and see him for him: my son, an eternal soul, a boy who has my heart. I see a beautiful little boy who has likes and dislikes, one who feels physical pain and worldly delights, a boy that has a story to tell.
Everybody has a story: hurts, joys, hardships, and triumphs in life. And everybody's hard is hard, it doesn't need to be comparative. Beckett's is just harder [impossible, really] to hide. We have chosen to be very public with Beckett's story because we firmly believe his little life is glorifying to the Lord. His life, although marked by worldly hurt and pain, is making God's name even more real, sweet, and beautiful. We choose to share details about Beckett via Facebook, Instagram, and his CaringBridge site but we also welcome questions online or in public. In fact, we feel loved by them.
Children are the best at asking questions. In their unashamed inquiries as they try to figure out the world around them, they ask with boldness. Many times parents attempt to apologetically quiet their questions. I welcome them. They are refreshing to me. Let your children ask their questions. Let me teach them that differences are okay and not scary. Let's together help them see that even people that look different from them are worth getting to know and not looking away from. Let's not shy away from situations because they feel uncomfortable. Let your children learn about my son just like I have to teach our oldest about babies that look different from his brother. We have had countless conversations with big brother about how not all babies need breathing tubes as he observes babies that "don't need their tubes anymore" or when he asks where a child's feeding tube is.I've often said, actually, that I should make a sign for Beckett's stroller that says something to the effect of, "ask your questions" because I know people of all ages are curious and I'd rather be able to respond to curiosity than empty stares or parents feeling uncomfortable and therefore dismissing topics that could be learning experiences. Earlier in the summer we were able to take Beckett to the zoo and ran into a friend and her three young boys. I loved all the attention they gave Beckett as they flooded our ears with questions. I loved every minute of it. I later thanked her for letting her boys be themselves by touching and asking. It ministered to my mama heart more than she could have known.
Again, my encouragement for you to ask and engage with families in public like ours comes covered in grace. I hope that you hear it that way. We feel loved when you acknowledge what we know you see, even if all you can muster is a smile in our direction. Today, as I walked through aisles of the grocery story I saw what appeared to be a father pushing his son in a wheelchair complete with machines and a nasal cannula. Although out of conversational distance, I made an effort to make eye contact and smile. His responsive smile told me he appreciated my acknowledging them. I can't speak on behalf of all families like ours but I would be surprised if they wouldn't agree; we love being approached and having opportunities to brag about our miracles.
Yes, please be gentle with your questions but trust that I can handle what you're wondering. Don't feel bad if I teach you a better way of phrasing or ask you to use hand-sanitizer. You can't know what you don't know, and I don't expect you to. What I hope you hear me saying though, is this; we feel loved by your questions - so ask away!
Comments
Post a Comment